While I Was Busy Loving You

I wonder how many hours an individual spends thinking about their love relationships. From being a lovestruck teenager to navigating adult dating to keeping a marriage healthy and connected, there has to be thousands of hours racked up. If you include the time spent with best friends, therapists and any other listening ear, we can almost double the hours spent thinking about the relationships. While they are important conversations to have, we are often focused on the wrong thing.

The issue isn’t the focus on love itself, it is the external focus that trips us up. Most of the reflections start when we feel that something is off. More often than not, we begin the search by looking at our partner to see if we can identify what is “off” or “wrong.” The truth is that our experiences with others always point back to something within us. The process of placing fault is relatively useless when you think about healing. What matters more is what is being exposed to us. That exposure gives us a clue into what is ready to be addressed and then healed.

If you want to save time and enjoy more peace of mind in your relationships, start by working on yourself. There is no more important relationship than the one that you have with yourself. You are the key to everything that you see in your relationships. You may not be responsible for creating the environment or the catalyst for a particular issue, but your response and how you make sense of things comes from within.

You can shift your experiences by focusing on loving yourself. While you busy yourself with loving someone else, you often neglect the things within that are craving your love and attention. Ultimately that leads to healing yourself. It is simple to understand. We are good at focusing on others and it is much easier to see things in someone else. The truth is that you will find more value in understanding yourself. Once you build the muscle of introspection, you enable yourself to lead your own healing and ultimately can choose to become a better partner.

I've journeyed through various facets of personal development and self-love, engaging deeply with the topics of healing and divine connection. And now, I find it fitting to distill some essential insights from these explorations into a top 5 list. These nuggets of wisdom resonate with the essence of love and self-understanding — truly hoping that one or a few will spark a transformative shift in your journey...(Click below for the Top 5 List.)

Read the Top 5 List

Peace and Blessings!

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This Week on The Anika Apple Podcast

Are You Loving The Right Person?

Embracing Self-Love: The Foundation of All Relationships

Understanding the Power of Love

In the latest episode of The Anika Apple Podcast, I explore the deep connection between self-love and the quality of our external relationships. Many of us are taught that our most important relationships are with our partners, children, or even God. But what I’ve come to realize is that the most crucial love relationship is the one I have with myself. When I prioritize my inner love, every other connection in my life flourishes.

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The Core Relationship: Self-Love

I believe that self-love is the most significant relationship in my life because it directly reflects my divine connection with God. While God’s love is constant and unconditional, my ability to receive and embody that love isn’t always as effortless. I’ve experienced moments where I blocked this love—whether through feelings of unworthiness, guilt from past mistakes, or neglecting my own needs. But when I make space to nurture my relationship with myself, I allow divine love to flow freely into my life.

Recognizing My Worth and Healing

Healing starts with introspection. I’ve had to ask myself: Where do I feel unworthy of love? What experiences shaped my belief that I must give endlessly to others while neglecting myself? Many of these patterns come from childhood, generational cycles, or even societal conditioning. The world often tells us that prioritizing ourselves is selfish, but I’ve learned that without self-love, I can’t show up fully for others. By acknowledging these wounds and committing to my healing, I create space for healthier, more fulfilling relationships.

The Overflow Theory: Nurturing Myself First

I used to believe that love meant giving everything I had to others. But I’ve since realized that true love—healthy, abundant love—comes from overflow. When I pour into myself first, I am not giving out of depletion or expectation. Instead, I share from a place of fullness. Whether through rest, prayer, movement, or creative expression, I’ve learned that self-care isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. By honoring my needs, I approach my relationships with more joy, presence, and authenticity.

God’s Love: Unconditional and Ever-Flowing

One of the most powerful lessons I’ve embraced is that God’s love is always available to me. It doesn’t waver, and it doesn’t require me to prove my worthiness. But I have to be intentional about allowing that love in. Through worship, prayer, and moments of stillness, I reconnect with the divine energy that reminds me of my purpose. I also stay mindful of the ways I might block this love—by ignoring God’s call to rest, by overextending myself, or by clinging to patterns that no longer serve me.

Family and Parenting: A Special Note

For those of us who are parents, caregivers, or mentors, it’s even more important to model self-love. I’ve come to understand that the best gift I can give my children is a healthy, whole version of myself. When I prioritize my well-being, I teach them to do the same. I break cycles of codependency, allowing them to develop independence and a strong sense of self-worth. Loving myself first doesn’t take away from those I care for—it strengthens my ability to love them more fully.

Cultivating Change Through Love

At the core of everything I teach is this truth: love is the most powerful force for transformation. If I want to see change in my relationships, my community, or the world, I have to start within. My journey of self-love isn’t just about personal fulfillment—it’s about creating a ripple effect that extends far beyond me. The more I embrace my worth and nurture my soul, the more love I bring into every space I enter.

So, I leave you with this: What would change in your life if you truly embraced self-love? When we honor ourselves, we unlock a reservoir of divine love capable of transforming not only our own lives but the world around us.

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What's Inspiring Me This Week: Beyond The Business Suit Podcast Hot Topics in Work and Leadership ​ Danielle Hawthorne and I join host and The Asbury Group CEO, Kailei Carr for a spirited conversation about what leaders should have on their minds as they navigate the current landscape. This conversation speaks to the heart of the work led by Kailei to create conscious leaders who see themselves and their teams. Make sure to follow the podcast on YouTube as a secret weapon for your life-long development.