My Disappearing Acts

This year, I spent my birthday weekend deep in transformation work. When I came up for air, I realized that getting clear about my identity changed my entire life. I completed the unraveling of stories that restricted my greatness- all self-imposed by the way- and allowed me to keep hiding.

I remember the feeling of knowing exactly how to show up in all of the rooms I was in. It was how I functioned as a corporate leader, DEI consultant, Minister, friend groups, and in my household.

I knew how to “show up” in every setting. I could literally read the room and know what was needed. I shifted, calibrated, and delivered what was expected. I am certain that it looked like poise, EQ, and confidence. It was much deeper than that.

It was self-protection. Performance. Survival.

It worked most of the time.

There was a season of my life where I was promoted about every 2 ½ years. I was always tapped on the shoulder to take on more, and I did so eagerly. I wanted to learn more to be able to add value wherever I was placed. I used to ask God before taking an assignment to ensure that whatever I learned would be useful when I got to my real “purpose work.”

Doors opened. Titles and elevation came, followed by lots of accolades. All were the symbols that most identify with success. The path looked pretty aligned to what I envisioned for myself, except that I never thought I would find myself questioning if this was “all there was.”

I realized that I was deep in the “doing” without reconnecting to see if the path was leading me home to myself. In fact, my exploration in the years to follow would lead me to a hollow place. I didn’t remember what was home to me, except through my relationship with God.

I defined success as more than accomplishments. I was tapped into making an impact on others and the organizations. But let’s be clear, I knew I was not standing fully in who I was.

I was high functioning. I delivered consistently, but I didn’t know how to calculate the cost.

My fragmented way of navigating life left me exhausted, burned-out, overwhelmed, and clinically diagnosed as anxious and depressed.

But how? I loved most of the work that I did, and the people were amazing. Sure, the red tape in the organizations was frustrating, lack of resources created massive constraints, but I was making an impact. I saw my fingerprints on my family and within my community. Surely that was enough, right?

My survival identity was so efficient that even I had lost track of who I was.

I have some distinct memories of making concessions and stepping back, asking why in the world I agreed to what I said moments before. I was so far from the version of myself that was authentic that I didn’t really know myself anymore.

In retrospect, it was a good thing. The distance to my authentic identity took me down roads of rediscovery that I treasure. I sat with God and began to embrace what was always within me.

I had to lose myself to understand what that road back to my truth would teach. It was the best preparation for the work that I do as my most authentic self.

I have had dozens and dozens of conversations with leaders who are just like us. We were trained to show up and perform without really knowing the pitfalls. We were taught to be impressive as a means to survive, not thrive. Perhaps the generations that paved the way for us never got the chance to breathe while they were in the thick of it- working, raising families, and planning for retirement. While I believe that many were closer to their purpose work, and spiritual center than some of the generations in the workforce today, I don’t think that many people had the tools available to offer to us.

As the demands of the working class invade our homes, family time, and personal space more and more, it is clear that we are becoming more and more disconnected from our true identities. We believe that we have to be on. The calls that come in must be answered at any hour, and every ping deserves a well-thought-out response. That is a result of training, not honoring your truth.

Unpacking that behavior leads back to the single most important question, “Who am I?” Identity grounds you in all the reasons to give a yes or no…authentically. When you know who you are and align to operate from that place, your life transforms. You begin to run everything through a new filter that helps you to cultivate a life that is real and deeply fulfilling.

The good news for us is that we were created with a divine identity, and seeking it begins the transformation of self. Taking the journey alone can be isolating and confusing. After all, most of the people around you enjoy the benefits of you operating as who you are now. They may not be ready for your shift. On your own, the exploration requires you to confront who you are ‘being’ now, with all the reasons you hold dear. The best way to navigate through identity is with a guide.

I created Crowned as a space where identity is reclaimed rather than folded into performance. As a conduit for God’s voice and truth, I am able to objectively reveal and confirm what is within you. I always marvel at how God succinctly reveals the truth so that clients can begin to create and live in an integrated way. Crowned is identity revelation coupled with purpose grounding, the very thing you need to help you determine how you want to live an aligned life. You deserve to live a #Remarkablelife grounded in your purpose.

Peace and Blessings!

P.S. Oho, and by the way, I not only wore my crown on Tuesday, but in a room full of 200+ people. Only a handful knew it was my birthday because I never told them. Let them look. Let them wonder. Let them question, assume, and even snicker. It doesn’t matter once you know who you are and you stand in your worth. Meet me here, because this is when real life begins.

My new revelatory work, CROWNED- a divine identity and purpose session is now available. As a member of my Insiders Circle, enjoy special launch pricing available only to you!

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Because Identity Is Critical... Wear Your Crown

My time with God and healing journey have made me more intentional about owning my identity without explanation or performance. Not refining it. Not proving it. Not editorializing it. I am simply standing in what God has already made clear.

What I’ve noticed is this: when identity is settled, decisions stop feeling heavy. The noise quiets. The need to overthink falls away. The feeling of alignment grounds me in a way that I need, especially when the world is a mess.

God spoke two words to me about identity that sent me back to the foundation of everything. When you are clear about what God says about who you are, you see everything else differently.

That’s why I created Crowned.

It’s a private, divine identity and purpose session for those who feel the quiet nudge to stop questioning who they are and begin moving from clarity, confidence, and conviction.

If you are finding yourself question what you hear, struggling to trust the inner knowing or experiencing discomfort as navigate this uncertain moment, it's time to be Crowned. Putting on your crown symbolizes aligning with your spiritual identity and saying yes to living an aligned life, the one that you co-created for this moment.

Learn more by clicking the link below and enjoy a special 25% off discount only available for my insiders! Limited availability, so grab your session now!

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This week on The Anika Apple Podcast

"Who I Hid To Survive"

The Identity Series

Who have you hidden just to survive?

In this episode, I open up about the real cost of borrowing identities and shrinking my gifts to fit into spaces that weren’t designed for my authenticity. We’ve all felt pressured to conform, at work, in relationships, even in our spiritual lives, which leaves us disconnected from our purpose and exhausted by people-pleasing. But here’s the truth: your authentic, divinely-given identity is the foundation for your calling.

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You don’t have to keep hiding. I share lessons from my journey, including how rest, vulnerability, and reconnecting with God have helped me reclaim the parts of myself I once suppressed. If you’re tired of just surviving and ready to step into radical freedom, this episode is for you.

Let’s break free together. Watch the full video on my YouTube channel (or click below to go right to the video), journal along with the prompts I share, and if you’re ready for deeper clarity, take a look at Crowned, my divine identity offering or pick up my book “Healing Is Required.” Your fullest life is waiting, click to watch now!

Watch the full episode of "Who I Hid To Survive"- Identity Series at The Anika Apple Podcast by clicking below or on the picture above.

Full Episode Here

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or 🎧 Podcast link​

With love,
​The Anika Apple Podcast Team

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The Supercharger Bundle was created for the leader who is ready to move from insight to integration with confidence and clarity. It brings together three focused Integration Coaching sessions and a personalized copy of Healing Is Required, giving you both the real-time support to navigate your growth and the written guide that anchors your healing long after our sessions end.

This combination delivers exceptional value because it meets you at both the strategic and the soul level, helping you process what is shifting, apply what you are learning, and step forward with grounded alignment. If you are ready to accelerate your transformation with intention, the Supercharger Bundle offers the most complete and powerful way to begin.